Patience

"God grant me patience.......I want it now!" - Somebody

I am not a patient person. I want everything to happen in a timely manner. That time is most often "right now". For that reason I struggle with looking long term, yet I see the necessity of the big picture. Each day is a step in one direction. I know that I am headed somewhere, but exactly where, I am not sure. I have a thirst for accomplishment. Even greater than my thirst for accomplishment may be my desire for the reward.

Most of the time my demands are probably unreasonable. I can attribute many of my failures to simply being impatient and unwilling to see something through. I have been in California for two weeks. I should take the successes I have had and just keep moving in the right direction. Still, I am frustrated when things don't occur on my timeline. This is part of my growth. I have been fortunate to be the center of my universe, maybe spoiled fits better than fortunate, part of learning and wisdom comes from losing some of my control.

This is another duality that I struggle with. Control and the lack thereof. Somethings are under my control and some things are not. I have pursued leads, but I will always question if I have done enough. How do I know when to sit back and how do I know when to jump in? Everyone faces this problem. What sets the succesful apart from the unsuccesful may be the confidence to push on when things aren't entirely in our control. Patience does not have to be reactive. I guess what I am looking for is the patience to know that I will keep pushing on despite the bumps along the way.

I am frustrated, but the fact that I am frustrated means that I do care. I should probably relax. My fate will not be decided in 3 hours, 3 days, or 3 weeks. Is it good things come to those who wait? Or those who wait miss out on good things? I guess I'll just keep pushing on to figure that out. When it's time to wait I guess I'll figure out if it really is the hardest part.

Homer is waiting for his background check to clear. He really wants his gun.